The Price of Pleasure and Pain
Pleasure is the feeling of happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment. Pain, on the other hand, is the feeling of suffering or discomfort. Situations in our lives can either be causing us pleasure or causing us pain. Did you know that both pleasure and pain have a price attached to them? That is, the experiences of pleasure and pain have a payoff, a cost, a “price tag” with them?
A Conversation About Pleasure and Pain
I’d like to relate a recent experience, to illustrate my point. Yesterday, I had the pleasure of having a powerful conversation with a woman. She is a more mature person than I, and she is an inspiration to me. I marvel at what she is still capable of doing at her age, and only hope the same for myself in my golden years.
Our conversation began with the woman asking me about a dream she had. She knows of my experience working with dreams, and she presents me with her dreams to help her understand their messages. She said, “What does it mean to be confused in a dream?” I asked her to elaborate on the dream. She then told me that she dreamt that she was in a place she used to live, and was happy. This had confused her. I then suggested the confusion was really a state of conflict between the past (where she used to live) and the present.
I asked her to tell me about this place in the past. “What made you happy when you were there?” I asked. She responded, “Oh, my kids and grandkids were there, and I loved being around them all the time.” Then she had a realization: “The dream is telling me that I would like to be living with them again. And, at my age, I would like to do that, and enjoy it while I am still physically able to do that.”
She identified the pleasure and the pain of her situation. For her, there was pleasure about the idea of living with her kids and grandkids. There was also the pain of not doing it, which showed up as the fear of physical disability and perhaps her own sense of mortality. But there was another pain associated with living with her kids and grandkids she was on the verge of discovering.
I asked her, “If the idea of living with your kids and grandkids brings you such pleasure, what’s the pain?” I suggested that if the thought of living with her kids and grandkids was so wonderful, why was she not doing it? “I don’t want to give up my independence,” she remarked immediately, without the need for much thought. I then asked which is more important: the pleasure of living with the kids and the grandkids, or the pleasure of living an independent life? She thought, and came to the conclusion that her independence was more important, which reinforced the life she was living now.
I then asked her, “Is there a way you can have the best of both worlds? That is, being able to live with your kids and grandkids and still have your independence?” She responded, “I guess I have some thinking to do!” She thanked me for my time, saying the conversation was especially helpful. And we went our separate ways.
I relate this conversation, as I feel it was a powerful experience. The exchange was a great example of how we can keep ourselves from experiencing pleasure because there is a pain associated with it. But, if you look closely, sometimes the pain we associate keeping us from experiencing pleasure can be a pleasure in itself!
Considering the Pleasure and Pain in Your Life: A Process
When you feel that you want to make a change, but feel something is keeping you from making it, consider the following:
- What is the pleasure you associate with the change you want to make? How would it make your life better?
- What is the pain you associate with the change? This would help you become clear on why you have not acted on making the necessary change(s).
- You could also ask yourself, “What would the pain be if I didn’t make this change?” Sometimes, our pain can be a great motivator!
- Figure out if the pain is really another pleasure in disguise. If you discover this to be the case, then ask yourself, “Which is the greater pleasure of the two? Why?”
- Finally, figure out if there is a way to get the best of both worlds, that is to get both pleasures out of the situation.
Hoping you discover what brings you pleasure and causes you pain, so you can make the necessary changes to living your best life!
Your partner in discovering pleasure and transforming pain,
James