“Go 24 hours without complaining. (Not even once.) Then watch how your life starts changing.” The Attraction Signal

I serve my church in a couple of capacities (I am a bookstore volunteer, and I am a Sunday School teacher for its preteens), so I don’t always get to attend a service.

As fate would have it, I happened to be free to actually sit in on a service. The topic was “Living a Complaint-Free Life,” based on the book “A Complaint Free World” by Will Bowen.

My minister wanted to initiate a program for the next few weeks. Everyone in attendance was given a magenta wristband with the word “INSPIRED” etched into it.

The program goes as follows: You choose to wear the wristband and make a commitment to live a complaint-free life for either 21 or 40 days (this is because it is believed that it takes 21-40 days to form a new habit). If you complain about something, you switch the band to your opposite wrist, and you start over again at day 1. The word “INSPIRED” is to suggest that you think of something inspiring to say rather than complain.

I was all for this. I have been really taking a closer look at my thoughts and the words I speak, and this comes from listening to “The Secret” and the Queen of Affirmations, Louise Hay, in the car while driving lately. I wanted to “fast” from negative thinking, and this program would give me the opportunity to work on it.

Well, I wound up changing the band twice the next day.

What happened? I got in the car, that’s all.

Both the commute from home to see clients and back again was all it took. The complaining manifested itself in such a small way; each time, I commented on how slow the person in front of me was driving. I like to drive, as it makes me feel a sense of freedom (the idea of going anywhere I want, when I want), so this came as a surprise to me. It just goes to show that even a coach still has to work on his “inner game.”

One of the things I’m big on is re-languaging my experiences, also what I call “flipping my scripts.” I came up with a new “script” that would help me with regard to complaining: “It’s not a complaint, it’s an observation.”

I realized the difference between a complaint and an observation: the degree of emotional charge. A complaint always has more feeling attached to it; an observation, on the other hand, has less of an emotional charge, and is non-judgmental.

By making this distinction, I have managed, since I began this, to keep myself from complaining at least 3-4 straight days before having to start over. Not too bad, and leaves me room for improvement.

Notice what I did in that last statement? I applauded myself for the progress I have made, and did not place my focus and attention on the idea that I still had 17 days to go before making my 21-day goal, or that I was now having to start over.

I learned something valuable from listening to both “The Secret” and Louise Hay during those car drives, and it is this: When we complain, we are going to get more to complain about. Every complaint becomes its own affirmation. Why? Because we are placing our focus on the problem, on what we don’t want to have or experience.

As a coach who helps people shift their thinking and raise their consciousness, this process has allowed me to do a couple of things with my inner game:

• One was that it reminded me of my days as a manager, and I would encourage my associates to focus on solutions, and not problems;
• and two, to examine not only what’s being said in the complaint–but also what’s not being said. There’s an unmet need that is not being spoken in the complaint.

I remembered that I drew the 8 of Cups as one of the three cards in my daily Tarot reading today.

One of the key phrases associated with this card is “leaving negative experiences behind you, and moving towards something better.”

The card was also in the “spiritual” position of the spread. The card can suggest a spiritual journey, a departure.

How fitting, it seems. By taking on this challenge, I am embarking on an inner voyage, moving into new territory. I am making the attempt to leave the land of the complaining.

But it’s more than that; it’s about that saying, “No matter where you go in life, you always take you with you.”

It’s not about escaping complaining people, or avoiding situations, circumstances, and conditions that would allow you to choose to complain. It’s really about releasing the need to complain.

People and situations don’t change; it’s our perceptions of them that change. And that only comes when we are willing to change ourselves.

Until next time…

James

Like this post? Want to know when there's more?

Subscribe to "The List" today and be kept in the loop!

Name:

Email:

We respect your email privacy