Success in 12 Months: Are You Assertive–or Aggressive–in Your Asking?
Welcome to the last week of Month 7 of our “Success in 12 Months” blog series! This month we’ve been working on asking for what you need and want.
A client of mine, Justin, shared with me recently that his father was the king of negotiating lower prices. Whether it was making incredibly low offers for 5 kilos of shrimp from the Mexican fisherman or an embarrassing low offer on a used car (for Justin to take to college), he somehow finagled the deal.
Sometimes Justin was embarrassed by the offers his father made. I’m sure Justin’s father ran into some “No’s.” But what if he never asked? He would either have paid more than he should or worse, not made the purchase. You know what happens then?
Both sides lose.
You see, it’s your duty to ask. It’s the best for both sides of the question.
Are You Assertive–or Aggressive–in Your Asking?
Assertive behavior means taking a positive, proactive approach. You may not always get what you want when you ask for it, but you almost certainly won’t get what you want if you don’t ask.
Compared to aggressive behavior which is often disrespectful of other people, assertive behavior shows respect for both ourselves and for others. We can acknowledge our needs and ask openly and directly even though we risk refusal or rejection. If we are refused or rejected, we can deal with it because our self-esteem is not based on the approval of others.
When you ask for things, be considerate. Know clearly what it is you want and also know if what you’re asking is within appropriate boundaries for the person you’re asking.
Document the results to this week’s challenge in your success journal.
And This Week’s Challenge Is…
I’ve saved the best for last. This week, ask someone to do something for you that you’re not sure you will get a “yes” answer to. Make it something you’d like to have but, of course, you can live without. The lesson here is that whether the answer is “yes” or “no” you asked for it and you survived the answer. You put yourself out there and the answer didn’t affect your self esteem because your self-esteem doesn’t depend on someone’s answer to you.
That’s all our exercises for this month of “asking.” Next week, we’ll be starting a new month and topic, and doing exercises that go along with that topic.
How are you doing? Are you making progress on the goal you chose for the program? What challenges are you experiencing? As always, I’m here for you! You can share your thoughts, concerns, and insights by leaving a comment below or by sending me an e-mail–let me know what’s going on!
Your support as you move toward success,
James